


Bee Happy

by Clea2011



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Bees, Bees, Crack, Fluff and Crack, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-23
Updated: 2016-02-23
Packaged: 2018-05-22 20:54:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6093748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Clea2011/pseuds/Clea2011
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Once upon a time there was a bee called Merlin. And a flower called Arthur.</p><p>Crack fic, obviously...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bee Happy

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Polomonkey](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Polomonkey/gifts).



> Okay, so I'm not quite sure where this came from, and I can only plead that I've had really bad writer's block since the start of the year and sometimes writing crack!fic really helps me with that. Plus I've wanted to write this since last year's pornathon (something along these lines was nearly my entry for the 'Cross' prompt as cross-pollination). And then I saw Polo's birthday was coming up and decided to be completely random.
> 
> So, a very happy birthday to Polo, I know this isn't the fic you wanted from me but that's just not happening at the moment, sorry. But - bees! And horrible puns.
> 
> Also, LFB72 has done a wonderfully colourful and fun piece of artwork to go with this - [Unbelievable](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6095443) \- go look and leave some love.

Once upon a time there was a bee called Merlin.

He wasn’t just any old bee, no. He was a very special, magical bee.

Kilgharrah, the head beekeeper, always used to sigh whenever he saw Merlin. “How small you bee for such a great destiny,” he would say. Kilgharrah, aside from keeping bees, also had a very special plant growing in his cellar and smoked it quite a lot. Then he would say odd, mystical things. Merlin just buzzed around happily, bee-cause although he was magical he was also still a bee, and that’s what bees do.

Sadly though, Merlin wasn’t completely happy despite his buzzing. He was a male bee, and male bees were not allowed to collect pollen. They were supposed to mate with the queen, and not do a lot else. Which was quite unfair really.

Merlin’s friend Gwaine didn’t think so. He was a very handsome bumblebee, with perfect hair all over his body. He buzzed around Queen Morgana all day and Merlin supposed he would probably be responsible for all of the next generation of bees, all of whom would be swishy-haired and devilishly sexy. No point in any of the other male bees even attempting to get near the queen.

The queen wasn’t really Merlin’s first choice anyway. No, Merlin’s interests lay elsewhere.

Just outside the beehive was the beautiful garden of Avalon. And in that garden were lots and lots of flowers. Enough that everyone in the beehive could collect all the pollen that they wanted, and the hive thrived.

Merlin often flew around the garden, looking down longingly at the flowers there. As the summer went on, more and more flowers appeared. Merlin wished he could swoop down and cross-pollinate them like the female bees could. It looked such fun, and the flowers were all so bright and gay and erect.

On the far wall of the garden, some very impressive plants were growing. They were bigger and stronger than the others, like a row of knights guarding the other plants. And right in the centre of them was Arthur, who was the biggest and strongest of them all. Merlin thought of him as the king of the garden. He would often settle on Arthur’s stem, rubbing his thorax happily up and down Arthur’s firm length.

Arthur seemed to enjoy this quite a lot too, waggling his broad leaves in the breeze and growing ever larger. They carried on like this for most of the early summer, with the other plants watching them knowingly. And then, one morning, Merlin noticed that Arthur had a large bulbous protuberance.

Merlin stared at it in shock, knowing exactly what it meant. Arthur was going to display himself in all his glory, and all those other bees would come rushing over to pollinate him. It was a terrible, terrible development and Merlin couldn’t bear it. He buzzed off back to the hive and hid in a corner, horribly upset, only his furry little bee bum sticking out. He didn’t want to watch all those bees coming back with Arthur’s pollen, but he knew it would happen.

He sulked in his corner all day, until his friend Gwen flew back in. Gwen was very sweet and kind, and always managed to get more pollen than anyone else. She would probably do Arthur for Merlin if he asked, but Merlin couldn’t even bear the thought of that. He wanted to be the one who deflowered Arthur.

Gwen sat with him saying kind things, until Merlin couldn’t stand it any more. He wiggled out of his corner and told her what was wrong.

“Oh Merlin,” Gwen cried when she heard his tale of woe. “But… you’re magic! Can’t you cast a spell to keep everyone away from Arthur?”

Merlin thought about that. But it would mean Arthur would be all alone and un-pollinated, and that would be wrong as well. But Merlin _was_ magic, and he was special, and he was sure that he was meant to be with Arthur. Arthur was his honey, after all.

“Bzzzz,” said Merlin sadly. (This was actually what Gwen said as well, because of the whole thing about them bee-ing bees and all. But that would make it difficult to tell the story, so I’m translating.) “Arthur’s pollen must be collected.”

“Well why don’t you collect it then, silly?” Gwen told him. “Magic your leg hair a bit longer, that’ll do the trick.”

Gwen was quite right, of course. Merlin did a quick bit of magic, then flew back to Arthur with his newly hairy legs.

Arthur had changed while Merlin was sulking. He’d blossomed into the biggest, yellowest, sunniest flower Merlin had ever seen. He was brighter than all the other blooms. Merlin sped towards him and landed on his petals.

“Arthur!” he buzzed. “You’re bloomin’ gorgeous!”

Arthur swayed delightedly, because he was a bit of an arrogant clotpole as well as being magnificent, and liked being praised.

Merlin made sure that he walked all over Arthur, his smelly bee-feet marking Arthur as his own and making sure that the other bees stayed away (apparently this is something bees actually do to tell other bees a flower’s been deflowered. Every day’s a school day).

That was just the start. Having claimed Arthur, Merlin rubbed his yellow and black fluffy abdomen all over Arthur’s face. Arthur seemed to like that a lot judging by the amount of pollen he kept ejaculating, so Merlin did it some more.

Arthur shivered and covered Merlin in yet more pollen.

“Hmm,” said Kilgharrah, as Merlin sped past him to drop his load in the hive. “Like two sides of the same coin.”

He was probably thinking of the coins he was going to get for the special, magical honey that Merlin and Arthur were going to produce. But Merlin didn’t care about that.

And so, all summer long Merlin rolled around happily with Arthur. He brought back more pollen to the hive than all the other bees put together. The honey was the best ever, and all was good.

But Merlin was sad, because soon the summer would be over and Arthur would droop and die. He buzzed sadly, until Arthur asked him what was wrong. (Yes, the flower _can_ talk. Your problem bee-ing?)

“It’s nearly the end of summer. You’ll die and I’ll bee all alone. Bzzzz.”

“Oh don’t worry,” Arthur told him happily. “I’m the once and future sunflower, and if you take one of my seeds and plant me, I’ll come back next year!”

And so Merlin did, and sure enough Arthur grew back the next year. And as Merlin was an immortal magical bee they both lived happily ever after.

The end.

 

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Art: Unbelievable](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6095443) by [LFB72](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LFB72/pseuds/LFB72)




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